domenica 27 maggio 2012
Questo e' un post di una mia compagna di corso! Un post intenso, profondo, inspirational e dedicato a tutte noi mamme!!! Celebriamoci!!! Celebriamoci!!! Lei la trovate qui.
I often think about the kind of person that I want to be. I like to observe other women and wonder if they perceive themselves the way I see them. 31 years of living on this earth as a woman would tell me, no they don’t see themselves the way others do. As women we are often programmed (by society) to see the best in others while beating ourselves up about our own shortcomings.
Too short. Too tall. My kids STILL don’t sleep through the night. I had a baby too young. My car is so old. I can’t bake. I’m overweight. I’m too skinny. I’m too nice. I’m such an awful bitch sometimes. I hate the other mothers for being so perfect. It was all my fault. I know why he doesn’t love me.
All sentences I have heard my friends mutter over the years. And they all find their roots in NOT BELIEVING THAT YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. There are two pieces of advice I have been given over the years which have stuck in my brain like glue.
The first was from a teacher in school. She said to me “Melanie. Nobody will ever be a better version of you. YOU have the potential to be best version of yourself that the world has ever seen”. You know what, she was right. I’m not perfect. Far from it. I’m so flawed that I have managed to write a blog for almost two years detailing it all for the world to see. You know what I am though? Vulnerable. Sensitive. Loving. Kind. Generous. Funny. All reasons to celebrate being me.
I happen to like being me. There are days where I wish I could hide under my duvet for an entire 24 hours. There are moments where I say something and instant regret fills my soul. There are days where I almost fail at being myself. When those days happen, I just think - tomorrow is another day. Leave the crap behind and focus on the blessings in your life. Ridiculously simple formula, but it works. Starting each day being grateful for something almost makes it impossible to be angry or pissed off.
The second piece of advice I got was from my doctor. I was sitting in the chair across from her, crying (oh I spent a few good years just crying) and telling her that I felt like a failure as a mother. She held my hand and said “None of us are perfect mothers. You are exactly what your children need. You are a good enough mother, and that is all that we could hope to be.” It was a light bulb moment for me. You mean that if I give 60% (on a bad day, some days I excel and give 100%) and I still fall short, that really is ok? SHOUT THIS FROM THE ROOFTOPS. THROW OUT THE PARENTING MAGAZINES. I am a good enough parent for MY children. And this got me thinking..surely this transfers to our everyday lives?
I am hard pressed to find ANY of my friends who willingly sit at home and let life run them over. However, life does throw us curve balls. Circumstances outside of our control. It is our response to these curve balls that define us. Being a single mum, with no family here in NZ (apart from my DARLING little baby sister Raya) I have had to cope with some pretty crappy circumstances all on my own. Character building moments. Those shitty moments have been my finest hour. Forced to sort sticky situations out myself, ring tradesmen, yell at mechanics who are trying to rip me off and the worst of all - go through my separation and divorce without my mum here. I can’t tell you the exact moment my thought process flipped but one day I stopped hating on the universe and spreading negativity - and I put all that energy into being grateful.
Be grateful for who you are. Gratitude will literally turn your perspective around. The first few times it will be said through gritted teeth, I can guarantee it! I remember many nights sitting in my little house, wondering how on earth I was going to feed, clothe and raise two small children on my own. Then I looked around me. I had a house. And two kids. And a car. And inner strength that could move mountains. I refused to be constrained by my circumstances.
This blog post is all over the place. Chances are if you are reading this, I think you are a pretty awesome person. I am blessed with gazillions of wonderful people in my life. Many of whom sell themselves short everyday (Me included - yes I included a disclaimer within this sentence). I guess the take home message is - celebrate yourself. And if at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again (I hope I’m not the only person reading this who is humming that line to the tune of Aaliyah).